“That was very helpful”
“You are being inappropriate!”
What the hell do these sentences mean?
Nothing
One of the biggest issues Christians face is a lack of candor, I define candor as:
Clearly communicating what needs to be said when you need to say it.
I think we lack candor because we want to be nice and we do not want to hurt the other persons feelings.
This is gutless.
And not loving.
Loving people means saying the hard things, whereas being nice means you will make them feel good.
If you want to love people be candid.
Candor is not just used when you need to say the hard thing, it is also used in giving specific feedback.
We could say “that sermon was very helpful/lovely/etc.” and thereby not really say anything about the sermon. Or you could say “What I really dug about the sermon is that you made me clearly see X by showing me Y. I also loved your illustration about the dog it worked because of A. Also, what your application did was highlight this area of weakness in my life by applying what was aid in verse 6 this way.” See how this communicates far more but requires far more thought from us.
In short, candor informs better, it communicates more, it allows people to have their say and it if you start using it people will be candid with you which will help you make better calls.
How candid are you?
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Leadership: Communication
Hypocrisy alert! One of the things that my team is constantly telling me to work on is communication, so I feel hypocritical blogging about communication but I think good leaders communicate so here it goes:
Here is why communication matters:
Communication says that you matter. If I forget to tell you the things I needed to tell you or should have told you this communicates something. It communicates that you are not important enough for me to tell you what I need to tell you.
Communication lets everyone know where the team is at. If I very rarely communicate I run the risk of people getting off mission or just plain thinking that what they are doing does not matter to the rest of the team. I try to communicate once every two weeks to every volunteer that what they do is Important and how grateful Resolved as a church is for them helping out. I also remind them of where their contribution fits in at Resolved.
Communication shows I am willing to say what needs to be said. A person whom communicates is far more likely to have the hard conversation that no one likes having but we all know needs to happen
Communication allows the leader to hear how their people are going. If I do not talk with my people How can I be their leader/pastor? So I need to be communicating with them
Things I am trying to do to communicate more effectively:
Replying to every text, voice message, email, facemail, twitter message even if it is just replying with “Cool” or “I got it” or “Paul Liao is not part of the Christian Music scene he is the Christian Music scene!”
Writing a list at the start of the day of people I need to communicate with for that day and designating the best form of communication (email, phone call, face to face meeting, etc.) to communicate what needs to be communicated and then communicating!
Every phone call or meeting I have I write out what I want to say on piece of paper and if possible have it in front of me when I am having the phone conversation or the meeting. This is so that I do not miss out on anything I wanted to say or ask. Now I do not do this in pastoral situations where a person needs to chat. But in those situations I do write down what I want to talk about before hand (if there is anything) just so it stays in my head. I also write down anything I need to do after the meeting is done.
I pray before and after ever significant bit of communication. I tend to screw things up so I always ask for Gods help in leading me to say the right things especially when difficult things need to be said or talked about.
Have you got any tips for me on how to communicate better?
Here is why communication matters:
Communication says that you matter. If I forget to tell you the things I needed to tell you or should have told you this communicates something. It communicates that you are not important enough for me to tell you what I need to tell you.
Communication lets everyone know where the team is at. If I very rarely communicate I run the risk of people getting off mission or just plain thinking that what they are doing does not matter to the rest of the team. I try to communicate once every two weeks to every volunteer that what they do is Important and how grateful Resolved as a church is for them helping out. I also remind them of where their contribution fits in at Resolved.
Communication shows I am willing to say what needs to be said. A person whom communicates is far more likely to have the hard conversation that no one likes having but we all know needs to happen
Communication allows the leader to hear how their people are going. If I do not talk with my people How can I be their leader/pastor? So I need to be communicating with them
Things I am trying to do to communicate more effectively:
Replying to every text, voice message, email, facemail, twitter message even if it is just replying with “Cool” or “I got it” or “Paul Liao is not part of the Christian Music scene he is the Christian Music scene!”
Writing a list at the start of the day of people I need to communicate with for that day and designating the best form of communication (email, phone call, face to face meeting, etc.) to communicate what needs to be communicated and then communicating!
Every phone call or meeting I have I write out what I want to say on piece of paper and if possible have it in front of me when I am having the phone conversation or the meeting. This is so that I do not miss out on anything I wanted to say or ask. Now I do not do this in pastoral situations where a person needs to chat. But in those situations I do write down what I want to talk about before hand (if there is anything) just so it stays in my head. I also write down anything I need to do after the meeting is done.
I pray before and after ever significant bit of communication. I tend to screw things up so I always ask for Gods help in leading me to say the right things especially when difficult things need to be said or talked about.
Have you got any tips for me on how to communicate better?
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Leadership: Vision
When Martin Luther King stood on the steps of the Washington monument and said I have a dream the World stopped.
And the world still remembers
But why does the world still remember?
Was it his eloquence? Sure
Was it the time in history? Definitely
Was it geographic location? Probably
But I think it was one thing more than all these. Martin Luther King’s famous speech is still remembered and quoted today because of His vision.
He is some of his speech:
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today.
Did you notice what he was saying? He was talking about a dream that in the future America could be a a different place.
He had a vision.
One of the things some leaders lack is vision. Vision is just a a picture in your head of where your church or organization will be in an allotted amount of time.
If you don’t have a vision you are just treading water.
Without a vision the the diffeent things that happen in your organization don’t have any unifying purpose.
What is your vision?
Can you say it one clear sentence?
Do the people around you know the vision?
Do you have a Dream today?
And the world still remembers
But why does the world still remember?
Was it his eloquence? Sure
Was it the time in history? Definitely
Was it geographic location? Probably
But I think it was one thing more than all these. Martin Luther King’s famous speech is still remembered and quoted today because of His vision.
He is some of his speech:
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today.
Did you notice what he was saying? He was talking about a dream that in the future America could be a a different place.
He had a vision.
One of the things some leaders lack is vision. Vision is just a a picture in your head of where your church or organization will be in an allotted amount of time.
If you don’t have a vision you are just treading water.
Without a vision the the diffeent things that happen in your organization don’t have any unifying purpose.
What is your vision?
Can you say it one clear sentence?
Do the people around you know the vision?
Do you have a Dream today?
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Leadership: Do you do what you say you will do?
How many times have you heard someone say they will do something and then not deliver?
One of the easiest ways for a leader to lose credibility is to keep saying that they will do something and it doesn’t get done.
When was the last time you said you would do something and it didn’t get done?
Have you apologized for this oversight?
Ask the people around you are you one who can be relied upon to do the things you said you would do or are you a person who can talk a good game but cannot walk it?
Because people are looking for a leader that does what they said they would.
One of the easiest ways for a leader to lose credibility is to keep saying that they will do something and it doesn’t get done.
When was the last time you said you would do something and it didn’t get done?
Have you apologized for this oversight?
Ask the people around you are you one who can be relied upon to do the things you said you would do or are you a person who can talk a good game but cannot walk it?
Because people are looking for a leader that does what they said they would.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Leadership: Character
I love Larry Bird! Partly because he is white and I am white and it gives me hope as a basketball player!
My favorite story of Larry Bird is when his team, the Boston Celtics, were at Seattle playing the Seattle Supersonics. The Celtics were two down with six seconds to go and they had the ball. They called a timeout.
Larry walks to the huddle and says ‘Guys, here is what we are going to do. You get the ball to me, get the hell out of the way and we will win!’
The Coach, KC Jones said ‘Hey Larry, I am the coach I call the shots! Ok guys here is what we are going to do. Get the ball to Larry, get the hell out of the way and we will win!’
After the timeout, Larry walks over to the guy who was marking him, Xavier McDaniel, a guy who was 6’7 and who could go bear hunting with a twig and come back with seven carcasses. Larry looked McDaniel in the eye and said ‘X we both know what’s going to happen, I am going to get the ball here I am going to fake left dribble right and shoot a three in your face. It will go in swish and I will look you in the eye and say I told you so!’
The ref blows the whistle, Larry gets the ball, he fakes left dribbles right and shoots a three in McDaniel’s face. It goes in swish and he looks McDaniel in the eye and says ‘I told you so!’
After the Game KC Jones is asked is he ever nervous when the Celtics are in that situation? There are a few ticks of the clock left down by two and Larry is taking a shot that will either make or break the whole game, is he ever nervous?’ KC Jones smiled and said ‘ No, cause Larry always comes through’
I think the essence of Character is someone who always comes through. Who always does what they say they the will do. As a leader, character is essential, the Bible speaks of leaders of the church having great character (1Timothy 3). So what about you have you got great Character?
Do you always come to places on time?
Do you confront people or talk behind their back?
Do you own up for your own mistakes when it is your fault?
Do you tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Do you look after your family well?
Are you accountable to people?
Do you work hard or bludge a lot?
Do you always do what you say you will do?
As a leader Character is essential!
My favorite story of Larry Bird is when his team, the Boston Celtics, were at Seattle playing the Seattle Supersonics. The Celtics were two down with six seconds to go and they had the ball. They called a timeout.
Larry walks to the huddle and says ‘Guys, here is what we are going to do. You get the ball to me, get the hell out of the way and we will win!’
The Coach, KC Jones said ‘Hey Larry, I am the coach I call the shots! Ok guys here is what we are going to do. Get the ball to Larry, get the hell out of the way and we will win!’
After the timeout, Larry walks over to the guy who was marking him, Xavier McDaniel, a guy who was 6’7 and who could go bear hunting with a twig and come back with seven carcasses. Larry looked McDaniel in the eye and said ‘X we both know what’s going to happen, I am going to get the ball here I am going to fake left dribble right and shoot a three in your face. It will go in swish and I will look you in the eye and say I told you so!’
The ref blows the whistle, Larry gets the ball, he fakes left dribbles right and shoots a three in McDaniel’s face. It goes in swish and he looks McDaniel in the eye and says ‘I told you so!’
After the Game KC Jones is asked is he ever nervous when the Celtics are in that situation? There are a few ticks of the clock left down by two and Larry is taking a shot that will either make or break the whole game, is he ever nervous?’ KC Jones smiled and said ‘ No, cause Larry always comes through’
I think the essence of Character is someone who always comes through. Who always does what they say they the will do. As a leader, character is essential, the Bible speaks of leaders of the church having great character (1Timothy 3). So what about you have you got great Character?
Do you always come to places on time?
Do you confront people or talk behind their back?
Do you own up for your own mistakes when it is your fault?
Do you tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Do you look after your family well?
Are you accountable to people?
Do you work hard or bludge a lot?
Do you always do what you say you will do?
As a leader Character is essential!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Leadership: do you have the right people?
I once had a dinner with a very well known leader who had just retired as the CEO of one of the biggest companies in the world ever. Here is a brief part of the conversation:
Me: Leadership is hard
Him: It is
Me: It is lonely being at the top
Him: Hans you aren’t a leader
Me: What? Why?
Him: Because a lonely person is not a leader. A leader is a person who gathers a team and leads them somewhere. If you are alone you have no followers and therefore you aren’t a leader!
These words floored me! Partly because an oft quoted leadership maxim ‘It is lonely being at the top’ is seen for what it is: absolute crap.
If a leader is someone who, through influence and example, inspires, motivates, rebukes, trains and teaches a group of people to reach a goal or destination.
It is all about people and who you have around you.
Would Michael Jordan have won all those championships without his teammates?
Without Scottie Pippen and his all round play?
Without Horace Grant or Dennis Rodman providing the muscle down low?
Without the three point shooting of Kerr, Paxson and Kukoc
Without a coach like Phil Jackson who mastered the art of taming fragile, overpriced egos?
I think not
You show me a great leader and I will show you a person who can pick the best people for then job, motivate them, train them and inspire them to be the best they can be for the organization, church, team or whatever they are a part of.
What kind of people do you want?
Jack Welch the CEO of general electric said he looks for people who have four E’s and one P
Welch says he wants people with Energy, people who have the ability to Energize those around them, those people who Execute and get things done and those who have the Edge to make tough calls under fire. All these are useless if they don’t have Passion that is the P.
I am blessed with the right people around me in my church plant. People who love me enough to say the hard things to my face, who execute on things we need done and who are passionate people with energy.
Have you got the right people around you? Or do you just get the first people who put their hand up for the job? If you get the right people your job will be made mostly easier but if you get the wrong people you will probably go nowhere.
As a leader, who is surrounding you?
Me: Leadership is hard
Him: It is
Me: It is lonely being at the top
Him: Hans you aren’t a leader
Me: What? Why?
Him: Because a lonely person is not a leader. A leader is a person who gathers a team and leads them somewhere. If you are alone you have no followers and therefore you aren’t a leader!
These words floored me! Partly because an oft quoted leadership maxim ‘It is lonely being at the top’ is seen for what it is: absolute crap.
If a leader is someone who, through influence and example, inspires, motivates, rebukes, trains and teaches a group of people to reach a goal or destination.
It is all about people and who you have around you.
Would Michael Jordan have won all those championships without his teammates?
Without Scottie Pippen and his all round play?
Without Horace Grant or Dennis Rodman providing the muscle down low?
Without the three point shooting of Kerr, Paxson and Kukoc
Without a coach like Phil Jackson who mastered the art of taming fragile, overpriced egos?
I think not
You show me a great leader and I will show you a person who can pick the best people for then job, motivate them, train them and inspire them to be the best they can be for the organization, church, team or whatever they are a part of.
What kind of people do you want?
Jack Welch the CEO of general electric said he looks for people who have four E’s and one P
Welch says he wants people with Energy, people who have the ability to Energize those around them, those people who Execute and get things done and those who have the Edge to make tough calls under fire. All these are useless if they don’t have Passion that is the P.
I am blessed with the right people around me in my church plant. People who love me enough to say the hard things to my face, who execute on things we need done and who are passionate people with energy.
Have you got the right people around you? Or do you just get the first people who put their hand up for the job? If you get the right people your job will be made mostly easier but if you get the wrong people you will probably go nowhere.
As a leader, who is surrounding you?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Leadership: do they love you?
‘A leader always touches a heart before he asks for a hand’
John C. Maxwell
I once went into a meeting with a bunch of youth group leaders at a previous church I was at, I was the student minister responsible for running the youth group and I had a brand new vision that was going revolutionize the way we did the youth ministry. In fact, because of this strategy, so many people were going to come to youth group that we would have to hire a fulltime youth minister!! That is how good the plan was.
I gave my spiel and then asked them what they thought.
‘I think its crap!’
‘What’s wrong with the way we do it now?’
‘Dude, you are only here for a year, what do you care anyway?’
I am not sure how good the strategy was (I don’t even remember it), but that was the day I learnt that no one would follow me just because I had a title. The biggest reason people were going to follow me is if they loved me. If I wanted people to buy into a vision they must first buy into me. They must first love me and trust me.
Have you got a vision?
Do you think people will buy into your vision?
Firstly have they bought into you?
The minister at my home church is a great example of the buy in. From what I was told, when he got there he did not make any grand plans or sweeping strategies.
He loved them.
He ate with them, he cried with them, he laughed with them, opened the bible with them, helped them with anything he could, opened his house to them, etc.
Now my friends at my home church will follow him almost anywhere, because they have bought into him.
Have your people bought into you? Have you wept, listened to, apologized to, laughed, ate, drank, played, sat, read, helped, sung, danced, xboxed, warcrafted, footballed, watched movies, went to bands etc. with them?
Have you shown by your time that you love them
Do they love you?
‘People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care’
John C. Maxwell
John C. Maxwell
I once went into a meeting with a bunch of youth group leaders at a previous church I was at, I was the student minister responsible for running the youth group and I had a brand new vision that was going revolutionize the way we did the youth ministry. In fact, because of this strategy, so many people were going to come to youth group that we would have to hire a fulltime youth minister!! That is how good the plan was.
I gave my spiel and then asked them what they thought.
‘I think its crap!’
‘What’s wrong with the way we do it now?’
‘Dude, you are only here for a year, what do you care anyway?’
I am not sure how good the strategy was (I don’t even remember it), but that was the day I learnt that no one would follow me just because I had a title. The biggest reason people were going to follow me is if they loved me. If I wanted people to buy into a vision they must first buy into me. They must first love me and trust me.
Have you got a vision?
Do you think people will buy into your vision?
Firstly have they bought into you?
The minister at my home church is a great example of the buy in. From what I was told, when he got there he did not make any grand plans or sweeping strategies.
He loved them.
He ate with them, he cried with them, he laughed with them, opened the bible with them, helped them with anything he could, opened his house to them, etc.
Now my friends at my home church will follow him almost anywhere, because they have bought into him.
Have your people bought into you? Have you wept, listened to, apologized to, laughed, ate, drank, played, sat, read, helped, sung, danced, xboxed, warcrafted, footballed, watched movies, went to bands etc. with them?
Have you shown by your time that you love them
Do they love you?
‘People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care’
John C. Maxwell
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